Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
