it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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