im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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