I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
