Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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