Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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