So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
