I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
