Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
