Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
