It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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