East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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