Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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