i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
PANTIES FOUND
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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