But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
