seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bring me that man meat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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