dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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