So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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