Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
