Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
