do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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