college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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