wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can't special order awesome
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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