Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
