bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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