Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
