I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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