the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
