Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize