She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
