help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
