I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
