I accidentally had phone sex last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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