Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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