So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
