So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
