She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
