She is in my trunk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize