so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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