Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
