you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
