6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There r osticjed everywhere
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
