fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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