Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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