goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
