So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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