i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
