i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize