there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
