she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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