she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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