he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone owes me an orgasm
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
