Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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