Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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