if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
