That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
