All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
