Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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