Apparently you make a good broom.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
