Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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