hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
