Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i came on her dog
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
