a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
