some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
