It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
