i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
