Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
