4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
