I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I party with great urgency now.
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