I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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