i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
