"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
