You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
